Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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