Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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