I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
