Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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