and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?