If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk