you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.