So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.