She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just cut my nipple shaving
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.