Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize