remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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