I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
