she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
