Someone shit on the floor
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
