a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
