went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
