Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
