i dedicated my morning wood to you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
