so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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