fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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