When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ketchup is God's man juice
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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