Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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