dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
