I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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