If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
