I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
