So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
