what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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