Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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