just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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