I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it fun? or sober?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
