is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So here I am, sexting at work.
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