I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
