haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
