also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
