They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The beer is more important than you right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
