In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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