I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
