MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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