Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
