ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
