Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
