Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize