Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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