batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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