i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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