but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
