it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
