Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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