i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
