You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
