I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
