Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
