I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
