As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
