I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
