How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
