I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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