But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
