Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
