I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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