Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
