she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
