Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
