I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize